The Use of Pronouns in Marriage

Justin and I got married at my church which required us to take a pre-marital class with my pastor. It was one-on-one us and my pastor since birth. There are differing opinions about doing this, but we found it to be pretty beneficial.

Pastor Tom Wirsing
Photo Created By: Garret Daniel Photography

To begin our counseling, we got a book to fill out through our meetings. It was our guide throughout the whole process. We would never fill out the book together that way we really could have individualized answers. We found out things about each other that honestly we didn’t know before. The book went through many things how you’re going to handle a family, what your expectations are in a marriage, finances, how to solve conflicts, communication with each other, and much more. I highly suggest this book to couples engaged to be married because it was very helpful in all aspects. It’s not necessarily something you need to go through with a third person, but it was definitely helpful to have him there to help us sort through our thoughts.

Initially, beginning this whole counseling was weird to me. I had such mixed feelings because it was going to be hard for me to open up so much to me pastor who doesn’t know all the good and bad about my relationship with my soon to be husband. Lucky enough for us, our pastor is a very open and straight forward guy.

One of the biggest and best things we learned from him wasn’t even something from the book though. He taught us how to use pronouns for marriage and in life. He would repeat it many times to use in almost every session we met with him. Once we were married, we were no longer allowed to use mine, his, hers, theirs, or anything of that nature. From now on it was ours, us, and we. We really found this to be helpful because we both had, and still do sometimes, have issues with combining everything we’ve every had. Belongings, financials, problems, etc. A lot of our arguments would be because we were so worried about me and mine. Something we had to come to realize, and still are trying to, is that there is none of that anymore. Everything we do have is us, we and ours.

Now, Justin and I sometimes get passive aggressive with this. For example, “WE should really learn how to take the trash out when it’s full.” Or, “WE need to learn how to fold laundry after it gets dried, so it doesn’t get wrinkly.” Yeah, that’s a good way to learn how not to use the pronouns. We are working on that part of it.

I will be the first to say that I am still learning how to use the pronouns without sass sometimes. Everyday, I continue to learn new things about married life. So hey, cheers to me continuing to learn how to use the pronouns and still being sassy with it sometimes because I’m not perfect.

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